14 Signs That Your Family Doesn’t Care About You
Family is supposed to be a source of love, a haven where we feel safe, comfortable, and supported. However, it’s not rare to hear of dysfunctional families, families that treat their closest people with neglect and turn their lives into a source of pain and constant stress.
Do you feel low because you think your family doesn’t care about you? Or could it be something else that bothers you, making you look at everything in a negative light?
In this article, we’ll take a look at the most common signs that show your family isn’t investing in your well-being as they should be, so you can better understand where you stand and what could be done to curb the negative feelings and get your life back on track.
Signs That Your Family Doesn’t Care About You
It’s worth noting that the list of the signs that we share below isn’t exhaustive and may include other things, but we’ve tried to focus on the most common of them. Read on to find more.
1. They Don’t Talk to You
Although no family relationships are the same, and some may be closer than others, it’s still pretty common for people to get in touch and discuss things. Many families, especially those who live within a short drive distance, have a tradition to go out to have a meal or just do something together.
However, even if they live miles away, most of them would jump on a phone call at least once a week to find out how their relatives are.
Can’t remember the last time you heard from your cousins or siblings? This may very well be a sign that they don’t care about you. Of course, this could also mean that something bad has happened to them and they can’t use the phone, but it is very unlikely.
2. They Don’t Invite You
We all have special dates on the calendar, like birthday parties, anniversaries, and Christmas, that we are expected to get an invitation to. However, if you’ve already missed several invitations and heard nothing from your relatives afterward, it could certainly mean that your family is quite happy to spend time without you.
3. They Don’t Tell You about Important Things
Have you just found out that your cousin has a baby even though they’ve already celebrated his third birthday? Or maybe you were dumbfounded by the news of your aunt’s death, retold by your neighbor? Whatever the case, the fact that you’re the last one to catch up on important things like this means your family doesn’t really care about you.
4. It Is Always You Who Takes the Initiative
Of course, you shouldn’t expect your family to call you if you don’t make any effort to make contact with them. Relationships work both ways. On the other hand, if you have noticed that it’s always you who takes the initiative, and nothing comes from their end even when you go quiet for a long while, it most likely means they aren’t interested in you.
5. They Only Contact You when They Need Something from You
There’s also a group of relatives that you never hear about and almost forget about their existence until they suddenly call you and ask for a favor. They usually start small talk, not really listening to what you say, and then change the subject to something they need. Quite often, what they need is help or money.
As a family, helping each other through difficult times is definitely a good thing. After all, that’s what families do. But if your relatives constantly take advantage of you and don’t invest emotionally in the relationship, then you have the right to suspect that they don’t care about you.
6. They Put Their Needs First
Another example of unhealthy family relationships is when your relatives only call you when they are in distress. They’ll expect you to listen to them for hours and support them, but they would never ask how things are on your end, and if there’s anything they can help you with.
Obviously, anyone can experience drama where they just feel lost and forget to say things, but if your relatives seem to always act like that, you’d not be wrong thinking that they’re simply using you.
7. They Can Cancel Plans at the Last Minute
Lost track of family get-togethers that could have taken place had they not been canceled at the last minute? If so, this is a bad sign. Among all, family members are the people who should be treated with respect, but if your family doesn’t bother telling you about a change of plan ahead of time, it means that you’re at the bottom of their priority list.
8. Your Opinion and Feelings Don’t Count
Families talk things through before making decisions, whether it’d be choosing a place to go on a vacation or buying a new fridge. However, if you’ve noticed that your family never takes your opinion into account, this means they don’t have much respect for you, nor do they care much about your values or feelings.
9. They Violate Your Personal Boundaries
We all have our own boundaries or, in other words, limits that we set to define what is acceptable for us and what’s not. These limits allow us to feel safe and also help shape our identities. But if your family doesn’t seem to respect them, there’s a good chance they have little respect for you, too.
An example of parents violating personal boundaries is when they show up in your room without being invited. While they may believe it’s totally fine for them to wander around the house wherever they want because it’s their property, the truth is, every family member has the right to privacy. If your rights are ignored, then it can mean that you don’t matter to them much.
10. They Gossip About You
If you find that one of your relatives is always telling you the gossip about each and every member of your family, the odds are high that he or she may tell others the same about you. Quite often, these people don’t even notice that they badmouth, and if you tell them about it to their face, they may get offended and say it’s you who’s attacking them.
Without a doubt, gossiping doesn’t make families healthy. If you tried to stop it, but your family neglects you, maybe, the best thing to do would be to distance yourself from them for a while.
11. They Always Criticize You
If you see that your parents are not proud of you, no matter what you do and how hard you try, or, even worse, keep criticizing you, this is a sign of an unhealthy family relationship.
What makes parents parents is that they are always there when we need them, giving us advice and support, but if the only thing your family does is make you doubt your skills or talents, you might be better off staying away from them.
Sure, some kind of criticism can be helpful, but only if it’s constructive. If your parents’ comments don’t fit in that mold, it’s likely that they simply abuse you.
12. They Make You Feel Guilty
Another example of neglect in families is when they choose one person to be held accountable for everything that goes wrong. Situations can be quite different. You may order a meal and if the delivery arrives late, they’ll tell you it’s because you chose the wrong company. Or the meal itself could be much better if you listened to your brother who suggested a different restaurant.
Of course, these are just very primitive examples, but if you’ve been through these kinds of situations, you certainly know what they can be. Would a family that cares about each other use anyone else as a scapegoat? Definitely, not.
13. You Can’t Rely on Them
Does your family expect you to cancel your plans when they need something from you, but they never pay you back in the same coin? Was it not on one occasion that they let you down when you needed their help? If you’ve learned to ask for help from other people instead of your own parents or brothers, it’s most likely because you know full well that they don’t care about you.
14. They Never Ask You How You Are
Life isn’t all roses, and sometimes, we all experience some kind of drama. It’s good if your family is supportive and can give you their shoulder to cry it through. However, if you keep things to yourself because you know that nobody would bother to ask you how you are unless you phoned them or sent a message, the signs are there – they aren’t interested in you.
What to Do If Your Family Doesn’t Care About You?
Do all the signs point to the fact that your family doesn’t care about you? If so, what do you do about it? Obviously, you can’t choose a different family, but you can’t keep going like this forever, either, otherwise, your life can turn into hell.
Here are a few things you can do.
1. Don’t Compare
Quite often, we only feel so bad because other people are screaming their happiness around every corner. Do you have friends who post family photos on their Facebook feed every other weekend, making you wonder why your family couldn’t be like that? Or maybe it’s the family that goes to the swimming pool along with you that you can’t take your eyes away from?
Whatever the case, you should never compare your family to others, especially based on social media profiles. Life on Facebook is not the same as in the real world, and many people deliberately post photos that present them in a better light.
Even that lovely couple that is smiling at you whenever you meet them might not be as perfect as you may think. It’s quite possible that behind the shut doors, they have such rows you couldn’t imagine possible, and respect is the last thing they feel for each other.
So, however perfect other people’s lives may seem, avoid making judgments and comparisons. Some people just don’t have supportive families, as simple as it is.
2. Make Friends
While your family may not be a source of support, your friends can be, so you should be open to meeting new people and making new friends. After all, why should your life depend on the people who don’t show any interest in you?
In addition, friends can often be more supportive and caring than some siblings. So, a lot of people who feel dismissed and unappreciated in their own families choose to spend their time with friends instead.
3. Don’t Tolerate Improper Behavior
If your relatives don’t treat you with respect, gossip about your siblings, cousins, or children, and constantly violate your personal boundaries, it may be easier and healthier just to cut them from your life.
You don’t have to burn your bridges, of course, especially if it’s your mother or father who treats you disrespectfully. But you can try to make your contacts less frequent. It can very well be the case that once you distance yourself from them, they might change their behavior and start caring about you more.
4. Don’t Wait for Anything
Perhaps, there’s nothing worse than waiting for a Christmas card or a birthday present that never arrives. If your family has already ignored you on a few occasions because they were away or simply because they forgot about you, you shouldn’t expect them to treat you differently this time. As the saying goes: “The less expectations, the less disappointments”.
5. Invest in Your Well-Being
If your family doesn’t care about you, it doesn’t mean you can’t take care of yourself. Sometimes, it’s enough to change the way you treat yourself to live a happier life. Start by reviewing your eating habits. Are you eating healthy food and drinking enough water?
What about exercise and sleep? Do you have any hobbies besides study or work, and if you do, how much time during a week can you spare to do it? If you find that your life is overwhelmed with anything but things that make you happy, you should certainly change that.
6. Protect Yourself
You don’t have to live in a bubble and put up with everything that your disrespectful relatives throw at you. If your relationships are definitely out of whack, it may be helpful to seek alternative living accommodations that will allow you to escape from toxic family members – temporarily or for good.
7. Get Therapy
Coping with emotions can be quite hard on your own. If you feel that your past is dragging on you, and you can’t get away from it, it may be a good idea to get therapy from a professional. A phycologist can not only help you get over the hard feelings but also identify patterns in your family relationships and give you insights into how they can be improved.
8. Create Your Own Family
While you can’t change your family, you can create a family of your own. This can include your colleagues, friends from college, or a partner. By surrounding yourself with the people who care about you, you’ll find it easier to move forward and live a life that brings you joy.
Final Thoughts
As much frustrating as it can be to realize that your closest people don’t actually care about you, this doesn’t have to ruin your life. Moreover, you shouldn’t blame yourself for anything. The fact that they behave improperly has nothing to do with you.
Everyone has different life experiences, and while we can’t choose our parents or siblings, we certainly can choose to live a better life. Use our tips as guidance to help come over the stress and build the fulfilling life that you have always dreamed of.