Overcoming a Marriage Crisis – Signs and Strategies
Certain marriages start out healthy but then deteriorate in a predictable sequence until they break up, while others begin in a weakened state, with one or both partners disillusioned at the time of the wedding but marrying for some reason. These relationships also undergo the same stages and will collapse unless remedial measures are taken.
Basically, almost every married couple goes through a crisis while being together. Some overcome it, and some don’t. To comprehend the marriage crisis process, we begin with the relationship at its highest point, then follow the decline process. The crisis begins when the truth of the unhappiness comes to light.
Maybe you’re experiencing a sense of crisis in your marriage. Do you believe that urgent measures may be necessary to recover from it? Perhaps, your head is full of thoughts such as, “What steps can I take to prevent our relationship from worsening any further?” or “How can I fix the situation?”
You may even need clarification on whether your marriage is in a state of crisis. Reading our article might be helpful to you. Today, we’re going to discuss the warning signs of a marital crisis, the stages it includes, and ways to handle it.
Signs of Marital Crisis
It might be difficult to identify if your marriage is moving toward a crisis. Just one fight or disagreement doesn’t necessarily mean everything is falling apart. However, there are a few warning bells that might be signs that things in your relationship start going downwards.
Marriage is a partnership that requires effort and dedication from both parties involved. Unfortunately, even the strongest marriages can face crises that can be difficult to navigate. The early signs of a marital crisis can be subtle, but they are there if you know what to look for.
- One common sign is a decrease in communication, where partners stop talking or become defensive and hostile when discussing issues. It usually happens if they lose interest in one another or if they have some unresolved concerns and misunderstandings;
- Another sign is a lack of intimacy, where the couple is no longer interested in being physically close to each other. There may also be a sense of emotional distance, where partners feel disconnected from each other, or a lack of shared goals and interests;
- Financial issues, infidelity, and parenting disagreements can also be triggers for marital crises. When these issues are not addressed promptly and effectively, they can lead to a breakdown of trust and resentment between partners. In some cases, one partner may express a desire to end the marriage or have an affair, which can cause severe emotional pain and further escalate the crisis.
In most cases, ignoring all these warning signs of a marital crisis eventually leads to the breakdown of the relationship. If the issues that lead to a marital crisis are not addressed, they can become deeply ingrained, creating a feeling of hopelessness and desperation. This can result in emotional disconnection, resentment, and an overall sense of dissatisfaction with the marriage.
Quite often, a marital crisis can escalate to the point where one or both partners consider separation or divorce. This can be an emotionally traumatic experience that can negatively impact the entire family, especially children. In addition, ignoring the warning signs of a marital crisis can cause the development of unhealthy coping mechanisms such as various addictions, unfaithfulness, or emotional disengagement.
Stages of Marital Crisis
As we have already mentioned, in order to follow the path of a marriage crisis and understand where the downturn begins, it’s essential to start from the beginning and analyze all the stages in your relationship. So, let’s discuss the main stages of a life cycle of a married couple in a crisis.
Healthy Relationships
It might seem strange to you, but the first stage of many marriage crises is a healthy relationship stage (even though it’s not always the case). In the beginning, everyone is full of euphoria and happiness. You can sort of say that they see the world through pink glasses – everything seems perfect, and they enjoy each other’s company. That’s the period where partners are usually the most loving, considerate, and respectful.
During this phase of a relationship, partners usually show a deep understanding of each other’s desires and needs. They show determination and are ready to work together in order to improve and strengthen their relationship. They understand that building a healthy and strong relationship requires dedication and effort, and they are willing to invest the necessary time and energy to maintain a healthy bond.
Of course, even at this stage, misunderstandings and disagreements are almost impossible to avoid, and they might be quite frequent. However, at the start of the relationship, most of these issues are easily resolved, as partners show respect towards each other and are open to communication. It’s the period where they respect the boundaries and try to come to a compromise that satisfies both.
Disappointment or Disillusionment
The next stage comes when one of the partners or both of them take off the so-called pink glasses and understand that everything is not so perfect. The disillusionment stage, or you can also call it the stage of disappointment and dissatisfaction, is like the first crack in your relationship. It’s the time when one or both partners begin to question the strength and viability of their relationship. The initial excitement and enthusiasm that once defined the relationship begin to fade, giving way to feelings of disappointment and loss of affection.
During this stage, partners may begin to feel a sense of emotional disconnection from one another leading to the following:
- Communication may become strained or nonexistent;
- Conflicts may go unresolved;
- This leads to growing resentment and frustration.
Partners may start to focus on their individual needs rather than working together as a team to maintain the relationship.
If left unaddressed, the disillusionment stage can lead to further deterioration of the relationship, ultimately leading to separation or divorce. However, with the right support and resources, couples can work through this stage and emerge with a stronger and more resilient relationship.
Detachment
The detachment stage is one of the most challenging phases of a marital crisis. At this stage, one or both partners may begin to emotionally disconnect from the relationship, leading to a sense of apathy or indifference. They are not as invested in their relationship, and they have no desire to fix the issues.
The detachment stage can be triggered by various factors, including:
- Prolonged periods of stress;
- Unresolved conflicts;
- Lack of emotional support from one’s partner.
As partners become more emotionally detached, communication may become practically non-existent or cease altogether, leading to a growing sense of isolation and loneliness. They might try to find their joy somewhere else, like by finding new hobbies, new friends, getting more invested in their work, or even finding affairs on the side.
At some point in the detachment stage, simply being emotionally disengaged or distracted by external factors is no longer enough to cope. As a result, the unhappy partner withdraws completely from their spouse.
In many cases, they express their genuine feelings of dissatisfaction with the marriage and may be uncertain about whether they want to continue the relationship. In the accompanying graphic, the “happy” partner remains focused on their spouse, although they may sense that something is amiss. They may notice their partner’s gradual withdrawal and disengagement, but they may not realize the extent of their unhappiness.
The true crisis begins when the unhappy partner completely turns away from the marriage, revealing the seriousness of their unhappiness.
Panic
When the cards are revealed, and one of the partners realizes that the other one is unhappy in their relationship, the first reaction is usually panic. At this point, the unsatisfied partner has completely withdrawn from the marriage, leaving the spouse feeling confused and scared. The “happy” partner may try to reach out and re-engage with their partner, but their efforts are often met with resistance and hostility.
This stage can also be described as a desperation stage, as both partners have no idea how they should act and where they should move. They might be in a constant state of anxiety because they feel the pressure of their relationship getting even more damaged. So, mostly, they feel the urge to take immediate action.
The panic stage can be kind of described as an emotional rollercoaster, with both partners experiencing a variety of difficult emotions, such as fear, anger, sadness, and hopelessness.
Rejection and Departure
Eventually, if you don’t resolve the issues and overcome the dissatisfaction, it’ll lead to the rejection and departure of one of the partners. The departure stage is the final phase in a marital crisis, and it’s characterized by one or both partners deciding to end the marriage. This is a time of great uncertainty, as the couple may have invested years or even decades into their relationship, and the prospect of starting over can be daunting.
During the departure stage, one partner may make the decision to leave the marriage, while the other may be left feeling shocked and devastated. This can be a particularly difficult time for children or other family members, who may be caught in the middle of the couple’s decision.
The departure stage can be a time of intense emotions, including
- Anger;
- Sadness;
- Grief.
Both partners may struggle to come to terms with the end of their marriage and may experience a sense of loss or failure.
Despite the challenges of the departure stage, it can also be a time of growth and transformation. For some couples, the end of their marriage may be the catalyst they need to make positive changes in their lives and start a new chapter. While it may be difficult to see at the moment, the departure stage can ultimately lead to a brighter future for both partners.
How to Act in Times of Marital Crisis?
Above, we described all the stages of a marital crisis, and without any doubt, we can say that at the first three, there’s still a chance of resolving the problems and kind of gluing everything back together. However, in order to strengthen the relationship and not let it fall apart, the efforts and desires of both partners are necessary. Let’s look at some of the ways to handle various stages of marital crisis.
Here are some of the steps you’ll need to take.
- Recognizing the issue is the first step you have to take in order to resolve any critical situation. Consider the start of your marital crisis as an emergency that needs to be handled immediately. Make a commitment to stabilizing the situation first, then work on addressing individual issues one at a time by seeking the best help and solutions available, including bringing in specialists if needed. It’s important to acknowledge that you are currently experiencing a crisis and take steps accordingly;
- Create your own emergency plan, but don’t bring it “outside of the house.” Involving people from the outside is the worst thing you can do, as it’s only between you and your partner. However, if you both agree that bringing additional help will be reasonable and effective, involving friends or family may not be such a bad idea. If you and your spouse have children, try to isolate them from this process. It can become a really harmful and traumatic experience for them to see their parents going through hardships.
Moreover, if some of the family members, friends, or colleagues are the reason behind your misunderstandings and conflicts, try to cut the ties for a while to eliminate the risks; - Start the stabilization process. First of all, define the aspects that trigger your partner and make them feel unhappy. Try to be respectful and more careful than usual and avoid situations that might cause unpleasant emotions.
Set boundaries, but don’t push them away. Try to communicate more and talk through every issue, even if it seems tiny and unimportant. Open communication and honesty is the key to success. However, don’t make it brutal and aggressive, as it may only discourage your partner, and they’ll close even more. After you determine the issues you have with one another, deal with them gradually – don’t try to resolve all of them at the same time; - Don’t be scared to use professional help if you feel it’s too hard to deal with the issues on your own. A trained therapist or counselor can provide an objective perspective and offer guidance on how to navigate through the challenges of a marriage crisis. They might help you identify the actual reason behind the issues you have and create the strategy that’ll help improve the relationships. Moreover, a therapist can offer you emotional support or suggest various resources you can use to resolve your conflicts;
- Another important step is making time for each other. During a marriage crisis, it can be easy to get caught up in the issues at hand and neglect the importance of spending quality time with your partner. However, setting aside time to focus solely on each other can be a crucial step in repairing and strengthening the relationship. Make a conscious effort to prioritize time for each other, whether it’s a weekly date night or a daily check-in. Use this time to communicate openly and honestly, expressing your feelings and listening to your partner’s perspective. Avoid discussing the crisis during this time and instead focus on enjoying each other’s company and reconnecting.
It’s important to take responsibility for your actions and acknowledge your role in the crisis. Avoid blaming your partner or playing the victim, and instead focus on finding solutions together. Be patient and persistent. Remember that rebuilding a marriage takes time and effort, and it won’t happen overnight.
Summing Up
A marital crisis can be a challenging and emotionally traumatic experience for couples. Early signs of a marital crisis include a decrease in communication, a lack of intimacy, financial issues, infidelity, and disagreements about parenting. Ignoring these warning signs can lead to the breakdown of the relationship, creating a feeling of hopelessness and desperation. The stages of a marital crisis include the healthy relationship stage, the disillusionment or disappointment stage, and the detachment stage. It is essential to work together to identify the issues and take steps to address them to emerge with a stronger and more resilient relationship.